On Being TG

The Rizapedia isn't primarily a transgender resource. That said, my thoughts and opinions have been shaped to a large degree by my experience as a transwoman. It's an inextricable element of my identity.

I'm not going to spend a great deal of time or space trying defining the word "transgender" or any of the technical vocabulary surrounding it. Most of us are at least nominally aware of what it means to be transgendered, thanks to a recent surge of visibility in popular media. For those things we don't understand, we have Wikipedia.

The picture accompanying the Wikidpedia article is interesting. The first thing you need to know, most transgendered people don't look like the person featured there. It'd be nice if we did, but in most cases - unless you recognize the issue in pre-adolescence and are fortunate enough to have a supportive family willing to pursue medical corrective measures - the biology of our endocrine systems makes it impossible. Various surgical procedures along with a powerful regimen of potentially risky hormone treatments can do a lot to fix what nature got wrong, but after a certain point in time there's only so much that can be done.

Most of us, myself included, do not seek treatment until late in life. It is not uncommon for transgendered people to wait until their thirties, or later, before trying to make the necessary adjustments to live a happy and fulfilling life. That, sadly, is way too late to affect the kind of changes that would allow us to live most comfortably within society.

In the TG community, we measure our own success, and the success of others like us, by what we call "passability". "Passing", in short, refers to a trans-persons ability to mingle publicly without being singled out as unusual (getting "read" or "clocked", as we call it). It's not an understatement to call "passing" the Holy Grail of the trans-community, particularly most transwomen never come close to achieving it (transmen, on the other hand, fare better for a number of reasons).

The thing most transwomen ignore or fail to see is that passing perfectly is anathema to the spreading of awareness and the building of tolerance; a lengthy process to be sure (one that women, African-Americans, gays, lesbians, and other minorities are still fighting for even after decades), but one that if successful, would eliminate the need for "passing" at all.

All of which leads me back to me. I've always had a contentious relationship with the idea of "passing", and there are two reasons for that.

1. I'm 6'6" in my stocking feet, and proportionately built for a man that size. I like how I look most of the time, but passing is not easy for me under the best of circumstances.
2. Typical TG wisdom advises to avoid personal interactions as much as possible. Opening up, even briefly, to anyone subjects you to their scrutiny, and any idiosyncracies (starting with your voice - not a good thing for those of us who were subjected to male puberty) are immediately amplified.

That last point is particulary unsettling. I happen to enjoy people a lot, so avoiding them is out of the question. Furthermore, it seems sadly ironic to me that a trans-person - who's one real wish is to be recognized and accepted as the person they are - would isolate themselves from the possibility of that recognition and acceptance by disdaining the company of other humans.

Fortunately for me, I have the first point going for me. While my stature initially seemed like a disadvantage, the simple realization that "passing" was not a realistic expectation for me allowed me to sidestep the second issue entirely; I couldn't hide my height, so it no longer mattered if my voice wasn't perfect. I was, in fact, months into my public life before I realized that many transwomen take friends or partners along on their outings, in part to do their speaking for them.

The flip-side of that coin is that, for all of our standoffishness, the public-at-large is the same. There are exceptions of course, but the general reaction I receive is not one of open derision or hatefulness (although that sometimes happens), but simple avoidance. Perhaps transwomen have somehow conditioned society to ignore them; more likely it's the fear of offending that leads people to avoid interactions.

I've been lucky. I have good friends and a supportive family. And I happen to live in Ann Arbor, which is probably as good a place as any (outside of San Francisco any) to explore my burgeoning gender identity.